We need to talk.
I know it’s totally cliché to start a letter that way. And unfair really, given that you can’t even talk back. But I have a few things I need to get off my chest.
When you came into my life a few short weeks ago, I had no idea you would turn my world around the way you did. I’ve never fallen so hard, so fast. I mean, I slept with you the first night we met. My dog hasn’t even slept in my bed yet, and I’ve lived with him for three years. But you, you promised so much. You promised the moon and I believed you.
We were inseparable in those early days. You were literally attached to me every second of the day. I could hear you singing in my head, “Every breath you take, every move you make…” and I knew it was borderline creepy and I didn’t care. I couldn’t take a single step without you. I needed you to count them all. “Every step you take, I’ll be watching you….”
Oh, and the way you made me feel when I hit that 10,000 step goal. The vibrating, flashing party on my wrist never lasted long enough. I’d stay up late, stealing away from my loved ones to sneak in extra steps with you. Anything to make you happy. “Every game you play, every night you stay….”
But when I didn’t make the goal I worried. I wondered if you knew about the other women on my leader board, the ones walking 14,000 steps a day. 14,000 steps a day! And in Canada no less, where it’s freezing outside? Did you look at their numbers and wish you were on their wrists instead of mine? Was I becoming a disappointment? “Every vow you break, I’ll be watching you….”
And then one morning, I forgot to put you on after my shower. And when I saw you sitting on my counter three hours later, I panicked. Did you think I had left you? All of those wasted steps, steps you didn’t know I was taking. I took them for you! I affixed you to my wrist tighter than before, desperate to prove my affection. “Oh can’t you see, you belong to me…”
But since that morning, it hasn’t been the same. I remembered those unencumbered hours, hours I spent free from the counting. And I have a confession to make. I’ve been looking at other wrists, bare wrists. I’ve been imagining my wrist without you. “How my poor heart aches, with every step you take….”
I don’t want to end this thing, but I can’t go on this way anymore. I see now that what we had was a lusty infatuation, and not the kind of relationship that can last. We can still see each other, but not every day. Not every step I take. Not every move I make.
I’m willing to try again if you are.
Here’s to a fresh start,